can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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