my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
