All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
