the condom got lost in my hair
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
