I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
