eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
