U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
