How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
