Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
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Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.