it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
