when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz