I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."