nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel