Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night