the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
