I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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