sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize