so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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