apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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