Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
