Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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