i permit you to call me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
