I think I died a long time ago.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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