No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
