We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
