you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
