I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
there's paper in my vomit.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
