I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
