allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
