I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
