Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
