No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize