I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
two words: eviction party
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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