May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
