my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
