This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
