I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
