I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize