we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
