mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
