I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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