this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
