I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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