Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
