Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
