your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The maid of honor just puked.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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