it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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