theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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