I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
