Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
