I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
