I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
