2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
