woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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