We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I party with great urgency now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
