Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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