i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
