it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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