Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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