my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want to be your penis for a week.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
