haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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