Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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