she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
