drinking out of a sandbucket again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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