Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
