When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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