If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
