nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
