what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize