woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
