I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
