I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
